Anyone NOT familiar with the Binding of Isaac: Repentance and its modding scene is free to leave now.
Razzle,
I’ve been in a writing funk these past couple of weeks. If it’s writer’s block, then I have to wonder why it’s stopped me from blogging, but not journalling. Then again, it’s probably not. It’s more likely that my prolapsed prolixity1 is due to something I’m not aware nor in control of.
You ever just sit down and dedicate yourself to doing something because you’ve got the time, only to be summoned not a minute later by something that absolutely requires your attention? Benign things, like the washing machine beeping, or perhaps the milder irritant of the Amazon delivery. You’d think by now that, with these constant distractions, I’d just regress to the mean and learn not to be bothered by them.
Fat chance. Ring’s the most spiritually violent offender. It’s not just because it’s a product of Amazon, and not just because it because it gives Amazon free access to monitor the perimeter of one’s home; the app will play that stupid windchime sound effect as my folks come and go, over and over and over again, and as I put my phone on silent to reclaim some peace, I only go and miss an important notification later in the day. Thanks, Amazon.
Anyways. I thought the best way to get out of this funk was to focus on an easy topic, so here’s another Isaac post. This time, however, I’m pretending it’s directed at the one person (that’s you) who I know will read it (even though I’m leaving it on the web for anyone to find). I’m back on both my Epiphany AND my tier list bullshit:
https://brologue.net/2024/04/09/isaac-mods-that-rock/#blighted-by-success
https://brologue.net/2024/02/02/tiers-r-4-peerz/
Yep, it’s a “BM not-so-subtly nudges you to try something” episode. As you could tell from the thumbnail, I’m going to focus on the characters for this post, and save Epiphany’s items, trinkets, and pickups for the future.
BEHOLD, THE LIST:
TR. Cain
You know I’m a T. Cain truther, and it’s hard to beat perfection:
https://brologue.net/2024/03/04/tainted-cains-amazing-commodities/
TR. Cain isn’t all that. Instead of shooting tears, he swings bags to attack. I’m sorry, he just doesn’t scratch that same itch that T. Cain does:
https://tboiepiphany.wiki.gg/wiki/Throwing_Bag
Be that as it may, the one thing I can’t knock him for is the fact that his design explicitly addresses some flaws in melee characters that I picked up from this video essay by Kirbyster:
While I find sacrificing items boring as hell (see: the Apollyons), TR. Cain gets to trade in mostly useless tear effects for bag enhancements that technically do something. And by ‘technically,’ I am not-so-subtly pointing in the direction of Apollyon’s Void, to wit; technically, it gives you more control over the run, and technically, you can go the whole run without it increasing a worthwhile stat.
TR. Judas
He’s got a teleporting gimmick with those shadow clones, and you need to spread them out to do more damage. Angel and devil deals are always available, like Duality, but the latter always costs two broken hearts, and the former takes one away. For every two broken hearts you have, you get an extra shadow clone. It’s got a lot of moving parts, way more than T. Judas, and even after a few runs I’m still not used to it.
Honestly, I don’t know what else to tell you. I just find him mid.
TR. Samson
THIS SUMMER…
IN THE YEAR 2047…
IN A WORLD… (VERY POSSIBLY EARTH)
WHERE MOM SAYS COLA AND FORTNITE CAN’T MIX… (WIE CRINGE IST DAS BITTE?)
WHERE THERE’S FIVE HUNDRED STREAMING SERVICES DEDICATED TO CHRISTIAN BROADCASTING…
BUT NOTHING TO WATCH;
ONE MAN– BOY, I MEAN-
ONE BOY
IS GOING TO LEARN HOW TO SUFFOCATE IN A CHEST
BUT BEFORE HE DOES
HE’LL SHOW THE WORLD THAT WHEN HE GETS HIT, HE’LL SHIT.
No, hold on, I’ve got it reversed. From the top…
HE’LL SHOW THE WORLD THAT, WHEN YOU TALK SHIT, YOU’LL GET HIT.
(In theatres now in 3D and IMAX, ticket comes with D6-themed popcorn and one of eight vinyl trinkets while supplies last, collect, scalp, or bug your parents for ’em all!)
What’s this? A beat-em-up? In my Isaac? It’s more likely than you think. See, with T. Samson, your unquenchable bloodlust lasts around ten seconds. Consider it quenchable; with TR. Samson, the carnage lasts the entire run:
https://tboiepiphany.wiki.gg/wiki/Tarnished_Samson#Gameplay
Other than TR. Cain (who I’ll tell you about in a bit), this is the only true Melee character in Epiphany – and indeed, if you have no other character mods installed, all of Isaac. That is, all of the so-called ‘melee’ characters in vanilla shoot tears in one form or another.
TR. Samson’s short range is offset by a chargeable shockwave attack that knocks debris from the ceiling and said debris which can be thrown at enemies. He’s also got his pocket active, Killer Instinct, an invincible lunge that lets you cross spikes and gives even more i-frames if it connects with an enemy.
Even though he’s a good melee character, TR. Samson isn’t my favourite – bullet hell bosses still exist, and it’s bitter to accept that you’re probably not going to get any stray hits in.
TR. Maggie
I find her inoffensive, but you’ve never been the biggest fan of T. Maggie, so you’ll probably think different. Either the bleed meter kills your run early on, or you get to a point where you have enough health that you don’t need to use Cardiac Arrest to counterract it:
https://tboiepiphany.wiki.gg/wiki/Cardiac_Arrest
The bleed meter does have one really, REALLY good thing going for it, however: the less red heart containers you have, the less red hearts you need to collect to get them back. This turns TR. Maggie into a devil dealing machine, giving out red hearts like Scientology personality tests, not having to care about having less health. If you run circles around enemies on the next floor, and pop Cardiac Arrest, you can get all those heart containers back.
I guess the thing I like most about her is that she’s got an adrenaline theme that mirrors the stress of playing her. You’ll get hit often enough that the bleed meter always feels a bit too high for your liking; bringing it down is an uphill battle, so you’re forced to keep moving.
TR. Lost
I hate him so, so much, and yet all the dopamine he provides by having a D6 and Sacred Orb rolled into one pocket active keeps me coming back. Oh, it’s not just a better item reroll – it’s also the ONLY source of Holy Mantle-like protection this guy has. No Holy Card, no Mantle, no Book of Shadows — OK, the occasional Chariot card, as a treat, but that’s it.
One guy, no continues, and if you get hit once, it’s aaaaaaaaaall the way back to the start. Cue cries of “WHAT DO YOU MEAN,” “ARE YOU KIDDING ME,” and “AAAAAAH FUNNY THAT’S SO FUNNY ACTUALLY, I LOVE THIS GAME;” sit through the mod that plays Mike Ehrmantraut’s diatribe when you die, before rerolling Dinner into C-Section on the next run to do it all again.
TR. Isaac
I’ve got the cheat codes for TR. Isaac, and I think you’d get a kick out of him:
- Fill as many of your inventory slots as possible;
- Once there are excess item pedestals on the floor, use Blighted Dice to reroll higher-quality items, and run into the excess pedestals to recharge the dice and build up Blight
- Get rid of the Blight to add another inventory slot and a guaranteed quality boost on your next roll
- ???
- Congratulations, you now have a broken run
Yes, running into Greed in shops stings every time, but with TR. Isaac, the pain level goes from bumblebee to Cazador. He’ll really test your resource management skills on top of how much good luck Edmund has bestowed your runs for the day.
TR. Eden
In some ways, more chaotic than Tainted, and in others, less. Basically, every new room rolls the D4 and D8, but you don’t reroll upon taking damage; the Debut pocket item will, at full charge, save any item you hold over your head from being rerolled. It’s sort of like T. Eden’s birthright effect, but you can be more selective.
Even when not at full charge, you can spend two bars of Debug’s meter to reroll your items and stats. Once you’ve debugged enough items, TR. Eden will start each new run with two passive items instead of one. Again, technically TR. Eden is more chaotic, but I prefer rerolling items and stats after every room to after taking damage. It feels more consistent that way.
TR. Keeper
You know, I’ve gushed enough about the crispy, deep-fried mummified Isaac:
https://brologue.net/2024/05/01/just-my-two-cents/#tell-me-what-youre-really-selling
TR. Keeper dies when he enters poverty, and I think that says a lot about our society(!) He crushes every living thing he sees into gold like unregulated capitalism – either that, or he just has the good economic sense to know that whatever is possible, he can afford.
I think it was that anticapitalist miser (and chronic Fifer) Adam Smith who said: “Keepers of the same trade seldom meet together, even to hunt for Swallowed Pennies, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against Edmund, or in some contrivance to game the sacrifice room.” Three hundred years ahead of his time, that man(!)
Well, there’s my Epiphany tier list. Did it get me to start writing again? Yes. Does it make you want to go and install it right NOW? I can’t read your mind, but I hope so.
Will I try this format again? Nah. The format was never the problem. It’s been on my mind for weeks now that, pretty soon, I’m going to become a student again. I’m going to be doing research. And if I’m honest, I’m a little psyched out.
- Word choice purely made for the alliteration and assonance. Even if it sounds wrong. ↩︎